The Day Desdemona Became a Bottle Opener
by kat0011
Summary: I OWN NOTHING. No definite plot just yet. I'm still establishing the character relationships. But something IMPORTANT will happen eventually, I promise. JPLE & SBGG OC & RLOC. M for later chapters and some language. R&R PLEASE! make suggestions


**Chapter one, my chinchillas:**

"Have at you!" Sirius Black shouted, brandishing a remarkably long eagle feather quill in James Potter's direction. James spun around, hazel eyes wide, mouth slack with terror as Sirius leapt towards him from the top of the dormitory stairwell. However, James' excellent quiddich reflexes chose this very second to kick in quite dramatically, and he made a superb dive to the left, landing gracefully upon the particularly musty armchair that most Gryffindors tended to avoid whenever possible. The chair made an awful squelching noise. Everyone within an eight-foot radius winced simultaneously. Sirius' jump came to a faintly miserable and abrupt halt on the thinly carpeted stone floor. Everyone winced again.

James himself decided that this was the correct moment to show off, and hopped to his feet. He placed his hands on his hips and rested one foot upon the top of the armchair, which, because this is my story, promptly collapsed. There was much wincing and cheering from the spectators. At that moment, Gia Greye came down the stairs of the girl's dormitory, not even glancing at Sirius as she stepped lightly over his crumpled form. Gia was an attractive and remarkably short 6th year girl. James knew very well that Gia was also one of Lily Evans' comrades, and shared the same dormitory with her.

Lily, as many knew, was the object of James' eternal affections. Well, for the moment anyway. When James saw Gia, he managed to make the connection that Lily was probably nearby. Which was quite advanced for him, I must say. James ran to catch up with Gia, and gave her his second-most-charming smile. His first-most-charming was reserved for Lily alone and occasionally for getting out of trouble.

"She's in the dorm. Some sort of crisis involving_ woodland creatures_," Gia said, cocking one perfectly arched eyebrow. James gulped.

"How . . . very peculiar," he replied, running one hand through his already mussed black hair. Gia knew just as well as James did that it was he who had charmed a large group of various rodents into the dorm that she, Lily, Dorcas Meadowes and Heather Adas shared. He was a bloody awful liar – always had been. Unlike Gia (she was especially manipulative. It added to her mystique). James and Lily had been torturing each other back and forth ever since they arrived at Hogwarts. James, Sirius, and Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were all very close (in a manly fashion) and had been ever since that fateful day when they met on the Hogwarts Express. The only one of them that Lily could tolerate was Remus, for his ability to carry on a decent conversation without being sidetracked at intervals of roughly 45 seconds (Sirius). Gia was friendly with all of them except for Peter, who was a sniveling, obnoxious, childish, dreary person . . . in her opinion.

Gia was adjusting the strap of her book bag when a piercing shriek cut through the comfortable volume of the common room. James jumped. Everyone else jumped a few seconds later.

"POTTER!" a loud, angry female voice shouted from the top of the stairs. More wincing occurred. James grinned, stepping forward to face a furious Lily. Her smooth shoulder-length, dark red hair was held up in a messy bun with two chopsticks, the ivory porcelain of her cheeks were flushed, and her enormous, almond-shaped emerald eyes were livid. Lily wasn't necessarily the most gorgeous girl in school; however, something in her smile and the way her eyes locked on your own when she was listening to you created this manner about her that made her almost magnetic. Her features were striking and unusual, but they fit her face perfectly. And, of course, her eyes were undeniably stunning. She was standing at entrance to the common room with her hands on her hips, where Sirius had been lying several minutes before. Gia noticed a rather small but ferocious-looking rabbit dart across the hall to the girl's lavatory, but said nothing. Everyone in the room moved back a few steps in unison, looking on anxiously. When Lily Evans was in a temper, it was best to remain at least seven feet away at all times, in case she decided to start throwing things. The fact that she had terrible aim was a bit of a mixed bag for those who were close to her targets.

James went down on one knee, looking up at Lily with passion, his cocky demeanor not even slightly diminished.

"You're beautiful when you're angry," he said, making a refined growling noise in the back of his throat. Lily, who had hated James from the first day of school when he turned her cat, Desdemona, into a bottle opener, snapped. She walked forward and immediately began to strangle this particular Marauder. The students looked at each other uncertainly, thinking that this might be the right time to intervene, were caught between amusement and fear, so made a quick decision and did nothing. Gia rolled her green-grey eyes and managed to stop her friend from killing James, who had begun to turn purple.

"Believe me, Lils, you don't have quite enough galleons to cover the lawsuit," she said, pulling her away.

"But . . . he . . . the bunnies . . ." Lily began, hands flexing as she struggled against Gia.

"You know, Evans," James said, grinning, "If you want to touch me, all you have to do is ask." Lily sputtered, furious, but with the help of one or two onlookers Gia managed to drag her out of the common room and down to the Great Hall for the late Sunday breakfast.

"He's just so...ugh!" Lily slammed her hand on the table, drawing a few glares from the other Gryffindors. She took a large bite of sausage, chewing furiously.

"Lils, get it through your head that he's just trying to piss you off," Dorcas said, sounding tired. Her dark blonde hair was limp in its usual bun.

"Well, thank Merlin that he isn't getting to her," Heather added sarcastically. "Christ, you tried to throttle him in the corridor." She laughed, tossing her long black hair and looking up at a boy with her bright cerulean eyes, causing him to collide with a huge, mean-looking Ravenclaw. Heather was, in all honesty, drop-dead gorgeous and in the professional opinions of many, the perfect female. She was tall and slim, yet quite voluptuous, and despite her looks had managed to retain a stunning amount of wit and overall intelligence. Of course she had realized just how amazing she was in third year, and used all of her natural assets to the greatest advantage, a technique that proved to work quite well for her. Lily rested her head in her arms. And not a moment too soon, for in that very second, all four Marauders strutted into the Great Hall. Gia groaned, Heather grinned, Dorcas gasped, and Lily carried out some other verb starting with a "G." Maybe "gulped," or "gagged" or something. I don't know. Anyway . . .

"Oh . . . . TIGERLILY," James began in a remarkable loud singsong voice. Sirius did a dandy little jig in the background, which seemed fitting at the time, I'm sure. James ran over and sat beside her on the bench, putting an arm around her shoulders and make another growling noise to accentuate the "tiger" bit. She didn't realize that Sirius was turning her hair to a violent shade of lime behind her back. Lily looked fairly repulsed and flung of his arm, continuing to eat her breakfast whilst maintaining her calm exterior. That is, until James ate her bite of eggs of her fork as she was raising it to her mouth.

"GODDAMN IT, POTTER! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! JUST SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" she screamed, banging her utensils down, denting the long wooden table. He just grinned.

"You . . . ah . . . realize that I wasn't saying anything, right?" James said, smiling sweetly. Lily just smiled back at him, leaned forward, and smashed a bowl of porridge into his face.

"My eyes! MY EYES! YOU'VE BLINDED ME, WENCH!" he screamed.

"Hey," said a tiny 1st year boy, who was looking after his hurled breakfast with a rather hurt expression. Remus, Dorcas, Peter, Sirius and Gia weren't quite sure what to make of the entire situation. All in all, it was a more interesting breakfast than they had had in weeks.


End file.
